Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
