my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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