god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
