I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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