I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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