this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
