doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
