The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize