I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
