so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
