I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
