I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
