I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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