I wish my penis had an off switch
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
