He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
