So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
why is half of my head shaved?
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