i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
