Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
