barbara walters just said penis...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
