you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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