i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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