The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm getting married
To pizza
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize