I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He passed out mid-signature
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
