OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
