Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
