i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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