what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
