Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
