Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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