I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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