I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
