some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
