she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
