Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
