But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
