dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
