They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
