Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
