Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we're so committed to being not committed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
