oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
