frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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