y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
