so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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