at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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