found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
