Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Boobs are out for the taking
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
