there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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