I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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