i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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