He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
