The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
