Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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