You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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