I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it glows. i had to have it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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