I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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