Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
