38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
