Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
