Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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