Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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