as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
