so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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